The Child Therapy List asked Owen Muir, M.D., Chief Services Officer and co-founder at Brooklyn Minds, for his perspective on self harming. His comments prompt further exploration, we believe, around how parents and caregivers can be most effective supporting the process and growth in our children.
Question from The Child Therapy List:
What is working for children, teens, adolescents, as alternate strategies to self harm?
Owen Muir:
“Self harm in adolescents has become a more pervasive problem in recent years. However, research into its prevention has also provided us with options that did not previously exist. As a psychiatrist who works with self harming adolescents, it’s important to know that help can be helpful. There are two treatments that have been studied in adolescents and have been found to reduce self injury. These include Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Adolescents (DBT-A) and the United Kingdom Mentalization Based Therapy for Adolescents (MBT-A). Although these approaches differ, they have both proven effective in reducing self injury. When emotions get very hot, it’s important to have a way to calm them down. Although cutting is scary to grownups, this is often a way kids are calming down their emotions. Unsurprisingly, if you have better coping strategies or if you are dealing with less stress, then self injury becomes less of a problem.”
Question from The Child Therapy List:
How should parents view their child’s self harming behavior?
Owen Muir:
“Self harming behavior can be really scary to parents, and oftentimes can lead to very dramatic responses like hospital trips. Parents should react by calming themselves down and then taking their child to get an evaluation by a mental health professional to determine the best next steps. Importantly, not all self injury means a child is suicidal and not all children who are considering suicide have participated in self injury. This is why getting a professional opinion can be helpful; it’s important to know what’s what.”
Question from The Child Therapy List:
What are the top 3 do’s/don’ts for parents that want to model self-regulation in the family?
Owen Muir:
“Dos:
1) Parents should use their words. Describing how you feel when you’re angry around your kids can help them understand more than just expressing emotions without explanation. Kids are great observers but not the best interpreters and they can draw the wrong conclusions when parents are unclear.
2) Stay curious. If you’re getting into a fight with a family member, try to take a moment to find out what the other person is upset about. The more you do this, the easier it gets.
3) It may sound obvious but violence and physical aggression aren’t healthy ways of teaching kids to respond to anger.
Don’ts:
1) Don’t panic. Instead educate yourself (See resources on AACAP website).
2) Don’t model bad coping yourself. For example, drinking alcohol when you’re upset is modeling bad behavior.
3) Don’t deny your anger, either. This isn’t helpful to keep kids calm.”
Question from The Child Therapy List:
How do children and adolescents develop/strengthen self-regulation?
Owen Muir:
“Over time, the brain develops by having stronger connections between the ‘stop let’s think about this’ part of the brain and the emotional part of the brain. Getting older helps, too. Those neural connections become stronger when they’re used over time. Practicing regulating emotions, particularly when it’s not an emergency, can help. You shouldn’t leave every crisis to the fight or flight response.”
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1 Comments
Great ways for parents to respond to self-harm of adolescents. Learning how to model emotional regulation as a parent helps give adolescents strategies to regulate. Thank you for your insights on this important issue!